Ugh.
I just don’t know anymore.
Mah short story
Soccer Child
I walked into the supermarket in search of groceries. It had been an entire month since I had last gone shopping for food. I pushed around my overly used, squeaky shopping cart through the aisles, occasionally stopping to reach and grab an item or read the label.
As I neared the end of my trip, I noticed a small girl standing in the corner past the check-out. I went through the self check-out, carefully eyeing the small child in case anything was to happen. She had thin, vibrant blonde hair tied back in a ponytail reaching past her hips. Her skin was a very pale ivory color and her blue eyes glistened. The child’s face was painted with fear and she was tugging at the end of her forest green soccer outfit.
As I paid for my items and grabbed my receipt, I noticed the young girl was still there. I approached her and asked where her mother was. Her blue eyes looked up at me and she said she could not find her. I told I’d help her look and she had a small glimmer of hope in her eyes.
“What’s your name?” I asked her.
“Anna.” She whispered back so quietly, I wasn’t sure I even heard her right at first.
I walked with her to find a store manager who called over the intercom in the store for the girl’s mother. We stood there for 20 minutes with no response. No one showed for the young girl. I wanted to wait longer but I had ice cream and milk that needed to be taken home.
The store manager said he would call the police and that everything would be fine. I sighed and patted the young girl gently on her head.
“Everything will be just fine, promise.” I said while handing her a Popsicle I bought. As I turned to walk away, she reached and grabbed my hand. I looked back down at her and she shook her tiny head, ‘no’.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. I bent down so that she didn’t have to look up at me.
“My mommy isn’t coming back, miss.”
“What do you mean?”
“She doesn’t want me no more.”
I felt my heart tug and her pale face was soon bright red and covered with tears. I pulled her into a hug.
“Anna, I’m sure that’s not true. She’ll be back.”
“She’s left me here a-fore. Th-the police man brought me back to her and she told me I was apposed to stay lost.” She buried her face into my shoulder and gently sniffled.
“Anna, she didn’t mean it, hun. It’ll all be okay.”
“She’s tried to leave me at a park once. Are you gonna leave me too? I don’t like bein’ alone.”
I smiled at her and said, “Of course not.”
The police showed up soon enough. The police man, his name was Dave according to his name tag, shook his head as he neared us.
“Anna, did she leave you here again?” Anna nodded yes and sniffled again.
“How many times has she left her here?” I inquired.
“This is gonna be about 4, right Anna?” Anna nodded again. I stood up and she immediately reached for my hand. I smiled down at her before looking back at the police officer.
“Shouldn’t you do something? This is neglect!” I was appalled that anyone would just leave their child behind like this.
“I’m gonna talks to Social Services, mam.”
“I don’t wanna be in anofer home.” Anna said, mispronouncing ‘another’. I gave Dave a confused look.
“She’s a foster child. Her real mom left ‘er too.” He said solemnly while shaking his head. “Come on Anna. Let’s go to the police station. Mrs. Lisa is gonna be there, the nice social worker lady. ‘Member?”
“I ‘member.”
“Can I go with you?” I interjected before they could leave.
“Uh, sure? What about your groceries?” He asked while eyeing my milk sitting in the cart. I waved my hand as if to say it was nothing.
“It’s alright. I can just put the food in my car and eh, well, buy more milk later I suppose.”
I rode behind the police car and followed them to the station. When we got there Anna was soon holding onto my hand again. We walked inside and Lisa, the social worker, asked who I was.
“I was just there and wanted to make sure she was going to be alright.” Lisa looked at me suspiciously.
“Can I speak to you privately, Miss?” She asked. I followed her to a room opposite of where Anna was standing, nervously.
“Look, no one has ever stayed in this girl’s life. You probably won’t either. I know you’re trying to be a good person but really, it’s time to give it up and go home. I can handle this.”
“You obviously can’t!” I snapped. “She has been left behind so many times and you keep putting her back.”
“She just hasn’t found her place in this world.” Lisa replied, oddly calm.
“I’ll take her.”
“What?”
“I said I’ll take Anna. I want to adopt her.” She gaped at my response and shook her head.
“No, you don’t know her, she doesn’t know you. Heck, I don’t even know you.”
“Then, do a background check or whatever it is that you do. I want Anna. She deserves a good home!”
Lisa sighed and agreed carefully. I walked over to Anna and rested on my knees.
“How’d ya like to maybe come live with me Anna?”
“I dunno, miss. What if my mama gets mad at you?”
“That’s okay. I can promise I won’t leave you behind though.” She smiled at me and hugged me.
“Will I get to go to my soccer games? I missed my one for today.”
“Of course you will!”
7 years later
“Anna, you’re gonna be late!” I yelled up the stairs.
“Ugh, coming mom.” She raced down the stairs in her soccer uniform and bag thrown over her shoulder. Her blonde hair was in a ponytail and flowing down her back. “Can I drive?”
“Why not? Go for it. Do NOT kill me though.”
“I’ll try not to.” She sang as she grabbed my keys.
I slid into the passenger’s seat and buckled my seat belt. I watched 16 year-old Anna adjust her mirrors, click her seat belt, and start the car. I smiled at her.
“Time for my soccer game, mom! This should be a good one!” She chattered happily as we drove to the game.
I went to supermarket to get some food and ended up with the best thing that has ever happened to me. Sometimes, life has its little surprises.
I haven’t been texting you as much anymore because I am so fucking scared. You’re making me fall for you and it’s scary..
You know what?
fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you
P.S. FUCK YOU.
When I feel like a boy, I HATE being called Francesca. I prefer being called Phil.
I even go to extents of making sure my parents never have to call out my name. I dont think I will ever tell my mom about my gender fluidness.
How do I go about explaining how I feel?
I just. Some days I feel really female. Somedays I feel like a man.
But in my mind when I think about sex I’m a man.
When I go shopping I stay with the female clothing, but steal shirts from my brother.
Sometimes I just really wish I was a boy. Sometimes I am happy with whats in my pants. But I cant help but feel a little sad when I look down and dont see a penis.
>.<
I am so confused. Like at first I wanted you so bad and now like as time goes on I dont? Like idk, it kind of changes everyday.
